House Hunters and Bottom Feeders

Our house is on the market, not necessarily because we want it to be, but because we need it to be. Nonetheless, it is a wonderful house and I hope someone wonderful will find it. We’re getting a lot of bottom feeders (as my realtor calls them) these days, people who would love you to just hand them the keys and leave quietly in the middle of the night with your meager possessions.

In a fat housing economy our 4500 sq. ft. home with the fabulous lake view would have been a very sound investment, perhaps it still is if you can stay ten paces in front of the hounds. Unfortunately, we’re more in the fox’s position, which makes it tricky.

Yesterday we got that “red phone” call that an interested party wanted to view the house. Having my emergency plan in place I stuffed all the outwardly offending items in the trunk of the car, raked the carpet, sprayed the rooms and lit the “chocolate chip cookie” pot pourri. Ahhh, life was good.

This was this groups second run through. This time they brought their office feng shui guru with them to see if the house faced north on west evenings, or if the general lighting was beneficial for artificial life. Who knows? At any rate, after much measuring and discussing of how the room plan worked for their spiritual growth, they left. Not long after our realtor called. They wanted to place a lowball offer, well actually more of a gutter ball offer, with the contingency that we leave our high-end appliances, small pets, life insurance policies and show up every other Sunday to cater a small brunch for their immediate family. What’s not to love about that? I will carry my side by side refrigerator on my back down the road before I’ll sign up for that program.

I read an article recently about an heiress who has a fabulous mansion on a hillside in Santa Barbara on 24, I believe, acres of beachfront property that no one lives in, as well as several others scattered across the states that are uninhabited but maintained beautifully. What a waste, really. I’ve never had any interest, which is perhaps why I don’t have it, for owning a house that contains sixty plus rooms. Do you sleep in a different one every night? Who cleans all that? I would assume you have minions on staff to handle it, but what would you do wandering around in all that? I mean, I have a fair amount of friends, but how many of them can cohabit on a given day?

My rant for the day!!!!!!!

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